


I'll try to fix you

by mitaharukai



Series: You are my home [2]
Category: Love Live! School Idol Project
Genre: F/F
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-13
Updated: 2020-06-13
Packaged: 2021-03-03 21:20:20
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,347
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24702184
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mitaharukai/pseuds/mitaharukai
Summary: Sequel to "Welcome Home". Will Nico be able to help Maki to overcome the hell and chaos she’s been living at the hospital?
Relationships: Nishikino Maki/Yazawa Nico
Series: You are my home [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1759909
Comments: 7
Kudos: 18





	I'll try to fix you

**Author's Note:**

> First of all, I’d like to thank all those who read the first part, “Welcome Home” and commented and left kudos on it 😊  
> And second, this is the continuation of the first part of the series but from Nico’s point of view and how she feels about the situation.  
> Stay safe ♡

**  
I’ll try to fix you**

She’s back at home. After all these months you’re finally able to see her again, to touch her and have her back in your arms.

As soon as you see her, your face finds the crook of her neck, finding the perfect refugee for your tears. Your arms quickly wrap her body squeezing it against yours, the same way her arms completely wrap yours and her head comes to rest on top of yours. Your bodies keep fitting together perfectly but it somehow feels different after all this time. Your hands can sense the form of her ribs and backbone under their touch and your cheek can feel the sharpness of her collarbone against it, in addition to the way her hair seems to have lost its natural shine, the bags under her eyes and marks given by the masks and glasses… You can feel how she lost weight over this time separated and it doesn’t feel right, she never looked so skinny and exhausted.

You pull apart stroking her cheeks, trying to wipe her tears away as you give her your best “nico nico nii” smile, happy that she came back home, happy she’s safe and would pass some time until she has to return to work at the hospital. She smiles back at you and you feel your heart breaking a little at the sight of it, you never saw such a sad smile in her face, ever. And even though she’s smiling widely at you, it looks utterly sad to you, it doesn’t reach her deep amethyst eyes and illuminate them like it did before. No, they seem empty and weary, like they lost all their sparkle… god knows what they saw that took all the life in them. And even though you know she’s happy to be back at home with you, you know she's still down from all what happened and you can’t help but cup her cheek and pull her into a soft kiss then hold her in your arms tightly, stroking her hair, trying to temporarily erase the bad thoughts she could be having at the moment.

You’re going to make sure she’ll be okay again, that she’ll smile and laugh vividly again. You’ll heal and fix her no matter what it takes.

But it’s not that easy. Maki is complex and while she might be back at home, her mind is somewhere else, maybe still at the hospital, maybe still thinking about the virus and the hell she had to endure. Sometimes you find yourself talking to a wall, there’s no reply, no reaction… other times she nods absently making clear she’s not listening to you at all. In moments like that, you simply let it go and hold her tightly letting her know she’s not alone, that you’re by her side in every step of the way and willing to take her mind off the situation ongoing. In moments like that, she holds more on to you and kisses your hair letting you know she’s still there with you.

It might take time but you know you didn't completely lose your wife into the darkness and chaos that came along with the pandemic.

Nights are when everything gets worst. Even though you hold her while sleeping, trying to shelter her in your arms and protect her from any bad dream, some nights the nightmares strike her really hard, perturbing her sleep.

Some nights you wake up at ungodly hours with the sensation of a continuous shaking in between your arms and little hands gripping hard your clothes. Soft whimpers and sobs turn into fully tears that soak your shirt as her distressed crying and yelling fill the silence of your bedroom, squeezing and breaking your heart as you perceive your wife in such pain. When your arms aren’t enough to scare away her nightmares and take away all her pain, you choose to rock her in your arms and sing gently a song or a lullaby until she completely calms down and you wipe her tears away before going back to hold her tightly, trying to keep taking away the pain that could still remain and bring comfort and security back into her in the hope that she sleeps peacefully again.

But when morning comes, it’s always the same. There’s no indication of what happened the previous night as if she never have had a terrible nightmare, as if she didn’t woke up crying in your arms like she does sometimes, no, nothing at all. And although you might have patience, although you give her time and space, waiting, hoping she’d come around you and tell you what torture her in her dreams or the hell she had to go through, she never does it and sometimes it’s frustrating to feel so impotent, to not be able to do anything for her except making sure she eats everything and sleeps properly or distract her with petty things so her brain is not thinking all the time about the hospital, about the people who were left behind and would never return back home and everything that came with this stupid virus. You might not be a doctor or understand about it completely, damn, you probably don’t understand even a minimum part of it but you did enough research about it to try to understand the basics of it. You heard the news, you listened closely to her when she told you about all of it so you could talk to her about it, trying to keep up the conversation... Maybe, if she'd let you, you'd just sit there in silence listening to her while she vents it all but she’s so stubborn she doesn’t even want to do that, she just smiles at you and tells you to not worry and brushes it off as she pecks your lips, pretending everything is completely fine. She doesn’t even realize how fake it sounds when she says it and how her smile seems forced, she doesn’t realize how much it hurts when she pushes you away and belittle it… And it’s starting to be infuriating to the point you don’t know what to do anymore or how to help your wife, you never felt as lost as you feel in this situation…

One morning you wake up with the soft drumming of raindrops against your window and gaze down to see your wife peacefully sleeping snuggled into you like a little kid snuggled to their favorite teddy bear. You find yourself struggling between staying in bed like that for a little longer or getting out of bed to make breakfast, sadly choosing the second option. You sigh as you get out of the bed, covering Maki more with the blankets and leaving a soft kiss in her temple, pushing aside some rebel locks from her forehead and eyes and pause to take a look to the rain through the window. You hug your arms trying to keep yourself warm at the chilliness of the room as you stare at the empty streets being completely soaked by the pouring rain, it looks so sad… You wonder if this “new normality” would last long or would be over before anybody knows. You’re so engrossed in it, thinking about how weird it’s to see the emptiness in all the streets of the neighborhood or how you barely get to see your neighbors anymore when you go out to buy groceries or how strange yet familiar is to go out with all the protections that you don’t even realize Maki is awake and up, until you feel a pair of arms sneaking around your waist, hugging you from behind and a soft kiss is left on your neck, making you snuggle more into her arms.

\- You’re going to get cold – you hear her whisper softly in your ear, sending you shivers.

\- Then you should keep me warm – you whisper back at her, embarrassed and move your hand backwards to stroke her cheek in an affective way.

\- I missed you – she says softly, kissing your neck again then buries her nose into your hair, inhaling its scent, making you giggle as she smiles.

\- I didn’t leave the bed that long ago, silly.

\- I’m not talking about that – she says hugging you tighter, squeezing you in between her arms, taking your breath away with the double meaning of her words.

You turn around to find her smiling widely at you. Her smile is nothing like the ones she’s been giving to you lately, is sweet but shy and this time it reaches her eyes, making them shine bright, a resemblance of how vibrant they used to be. You never thought you could miss it so much, that you could miss her so much… The sight of her radiant smile again makes your heart burst and you can’t control the tears of your eyes as they start to fall, making you end crying in her arms.

\- I missed you too silly – you say tearfully as her arms wrap you tighter, staying like that for some time.

\- I’m sorry I was so difficult, I just… I can’t forget about it. No matter how much I try to close my eyes and take a deep breath to try to forget about it, at least temporarily, my mind keeps coming back to it. Images of everything keep flashing and flooding my mind and I find myself deep back in that hell again, being dragged by all that chaos. It feels so overwhelming and suffocating – she says looking away, sighing with a sad expression on her face, clearly thinking about it once again.

\- Then why don’t you talk with me about it? I can’t do anything if you don’t say anything about it. Let me help you! – you say desperately, grabbing her face to take at look at you as you gaze right into her eyes. Maybe this time she’d understand how much you want to be able to be by her side helping her to go through all the pain, taking it away by making it yours so she’s okay. Maybe this time she'd stop pushing you away and belittling what she feels.

\- I didn’t want to become a burden to you. You saved me – she says then shakes her head - No, you save me all the time. When I was there, everything felt suffocating like being consumed alive by the pain and darkness with no hope but even away, you always managed to take my hand and guide me back home with your light. You were the one giving me strength to keep fighting.

\- Did I? – you say incredulous, gazing at her before placing you hand over her chest, where her heart is.

\- You always do – she says placing her hand above yours, kissing your head as she smiles at you warmly, making you blush and hide your face into her chest as you start to cry again due to all the feelings she’s giving you at the moment. Damn that romantic tomato…

She kisses your hair and holds you tighter, a smile never leaving her beautiful and now peaceful face.

\- Your arms are my home, my shelter, you know? I feel safe and protected in them. You’re my home. I feel like everything would be okay if you’re by my side but sometimes I feel like I rely too much on you to be okay. Sometimes I get scared by thinking how I’ve been dragging you into all this chaos and I don’t want that so I push you away or try to conceal my feelings and thoughts even when I see that hurt and frustrate you. I’m sorry love.

\- Idiot, I’m your wife. We promised to be together in the good and bad so rely on me whenever you need, otherwise, I won’t be forgiving you – you say snuggling more into her, pocking her chest to lightly kiss it above her heart later.

\- Sorry. I promise I will, okay? – she says sincerely, slightly giggling – It’s me or you kind of grow up? – she says patting your head teasingly while trying to see if you are taller or not. Way to mess up the romantic atmosphere, way to do it…

\- Shut up tomato!! – you say pouting, half angry at the implication, half happy to hear her laughing again even if it’s at you.

She grins at you then grabs softly your face, stroking it as she cups your cheek to kiss you tenderly. You've missed the sweetness of her kisses, the way her lips melt with yours.

\- You don’t have to be a doctor to fix and heal somebody, you know? Your love healed me, it fixed everything that was wrong and gave me hope and strength to go forward. You’re everything I need to be okay and happy. You always are and always will – she says whispering against your lips, confessing to you as if talking louder would break the charm and magic of the moment.

She takes your hand and presses it over her heart, feeling how it beats strongly and wildly, making you blush harder, touching it while your other hand take hers to mirror her actions.

\- Your touch heals my wounds. Your hugs and smiles have captured my heart to heal it and making it beat this fast and wild. Your body and kisses have ignited my bones and soul…

You swear this pandemic either made you more emotional or turned your wife softer and more romantic, mushy even.

\- Never knew you could be so romantic – you whisper amused against her lips then capture them in a kiss, a soft one at first that turns into a passionate one.

As the kisses start heating up, her hands abandon yours to start wandering along your body, venturing under your shirt, this time igniting your skin with her gentle touch and soon you two find yourselves lying back at bed, undressing each other in between kisses and caresses that make both of you feel alive again.

The day can wait to start…


End file.
